I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
