He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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