I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
