Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
