It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
