i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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