Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
