So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
