Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
