I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just threw up on my dentist
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
