i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
