Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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