Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
