Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
So here I am, sexting at work.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
