My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
