One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
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