I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
