Taylor Swift is so right about you.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
