You're my little dorito
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
