bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
