She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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