do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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