Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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