I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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