i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
