he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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