You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
