the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
