no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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