Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
