My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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