Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize