I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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