its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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