Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
