at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
