I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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