My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
