just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
