Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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