he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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