I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
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I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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