EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
