Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
