Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
