Your face is a jimmy john
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Please don't give away my fajitas
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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