I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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