dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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