I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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