i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
