If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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