he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
