May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
time to smoke my breakfast
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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