OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
