i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He did a backflip because drugs
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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