I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
