I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
