I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I think people are normalizing furries
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
