Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You may now shotgun with the bride
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
