My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
