shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
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I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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