She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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